I got one of those chain emails from a friend of mine the other day... You know the ones I'm talking about... Not the "Pass this on to 30 people in 30 seconds or you will DIE" email; the, "Diary" type entry email that highlights the suffering of neglected pets or the evils of abortion or the plight of some cause or even this little gem that should never die.
These things have been around since the birth of email and I've always wondered (as a writer) who the hell writes these things?!?!
Well, today, I DO! >;-)
DAY ONE: Today I am am born. Happy Birthday to me! My mommy doesn't even know I'm alive yet because right now I am very, very small. I am only a few dead skin cells and about 5 pieces of dog hair but I am already growing. I'm so happy to be alive! I can't wait to meet my new mommy!If you believe in this blog post, PLEASE help save the dust bunnies! Link to me, digg it or track back NOW! We MUST stop the senseless slaughter of dust bunnies everywhere! Re-post this on 20 blogs in the next 20 minutes or all your hair will fall out and your feet will smell like cheese!!! Do it! NOW!!!!!!!
DAY TWO: I have already grown sooooo much! I've added so many dead skin cells, hair and lint to me that I now have a discernible shape.... I am a DUST BUNNY! My Mommy has made me so comfy under this bed. I love her sooooo much!
DAY THREE: I have many brothers and sisters now. We all are sooooo happy here under Mommy's bed that we dance for her every time she opens the door or walks by. She still doesn't know we're alive, but soon we'll be large enough to roll out from under here and lovingly attach ourselves to her shoes, socks, slippers and pant cuffs. Oooo! I can't wait for that day! I know it will be here soon!
DAY FOUR: YAY!!! I think my Mommy is aware that I'm alive! Last night she started coughing and sneezing something fierce! I think my Mommy knows that I am causing her to feel this way. It's my way of saying, "Hello! I love you!" tee hee!!
DAY FIVE: My brothers and sisters and I had such a wonderful time with Mommy last night! She stayed up all night talking to us and telling us stories! My favorite story went like this: "AhCHOO! Hurk! Cough, cough, wheeeeeze! groan.... sunuvabitch!" Isn't it the BEST story ever!
DAY SIX: A gigantic snake that made the most horrible sucking noise invaded my home today.... Today my Mommy killed me.
SAVE THE DUST BUNNIES!!!!! STOP VACUUMING!!!! END THE SPREAD OF DYSON NOW!!!! CALL YOUR CONGRESSMAN!!!
Oh boy. I'm going to hell aren't I?