Drivetime Haikus

20 miles from home:

Work sucked ass today.
Archipelago mindsets
Never get you far.

18 miles from home:

No wait at the turn.
No traffic jam at the light.
Optimistic bliss.

16 miles from home:

Up yours white Hundai!
Why cut me off at the toll
and THEN hunt for change?!

9 miles from home:

Expressway Asshat:
If you must drive Forty-five,
use the right-hand lane.

2 miles from home:

Gas light starts to blink
Truck cuts me off near red light,
and doesn't turn right.

Home:

Oh Drivetime Haiku,
You saved me from hard jail time!
Road rage is much worse.

Screw it. I'll fill up the gas tank tomorrow. ;D

Sometimes I just can't help myself...

From the "Inane Pop Culture Bin o' Obscurity" Files:

Up from the depths...
Thirty stories high!
Breathing fire,
His head in the sky!!!
Mozilla! (dun, dun, dun)
Mozilla! (dun, dun, dun)
Mozilla! (dun, dun, dun)



...and Mozoooookie



(deedle,dee,deeeee. deedle, de de, dun, dun, DUN!)













MO-ZILL-AHHHHH!!!!!

For Eric and Miquella...

I recently took a trip to St. Augustine with my boyfriend and our close friends Eric and Miquella.
Today, James sent me this Second Life video.

To Eric and Miquella (who will totally get the reference):
It hasn't even been a week and I already miss you guys terrible bad!!

To everyone else... It's just neat! ;-)


I am truly amazed at what people do with Second Life... I would ~love~ to explore it but I'm afraid I'll lose my ~real~ life in the process! ;)
hahaha! I just figured out a solution!
Note to Self: Convince bosses we need a Second Life presence for the company!

BWAHAHAHA!

If Vitamin Water was a Person

I was surfing the Q & A section at Linked In today when I came across the following...

If brands were people, who would you spend time with?
Be creative, be descriptive!
If brands were people, who would you wish to spend time with and why? Who would you avoid? What would you do and where would you go?
For example:
Would you invite Harley-Davidson to a dinner party or a cook-out? Would you take Harley to work? How would you like Harley-Davidson as a neighbor?
Would you introduce Sony to your friends and family or just your friends? Would you drive the same car as Sony or join the same country club?
Would you see live music with Coca-Cola? Would it be a rock concert, a jazz club or the symphony? Would you send Coca-Cola a mixed tape or some mp3s?
Name a brand and what you would do with the brand if it was a person.

This was my contribution:

I ~love~ this question! I had way too much fun with this!!! =)

If Glaceau (Makers of Vitamin Water) was a person, she’d be a “Tweener” girl!

Dear Diary: I met this totally cool person today named Glaceau. We met at this little health food store and we like totally hit it off!!! She’s like super cool but no one seems to know much about her. I’m having her over for lunch today.
PS – I’m glad I met Glaceau cuz yesterday my BFF Snapple was like soooo busy hanging all over Coca-cola that she like TOTALLY ignored me! Gah! Doesn’t she know that Coke is just using her for her tea?! Jeez!

Dear Diary: OMG! Like, Glaceau is totally my new super awesome BFF! We have like, the exact same sense of humor!! When we hang I’m like, “Whoa! What would it be like if yer Mom was just like a Mom in an orange juice commercial?!” and Glaceau is all like, “Whoa! No WAY would that ever happen! That’s why I’m infused with Vitamin C and Calcium!”

Dear Diary: ROTFLMAO!!! Glaceau and I had sooooooooo much fun today!!! It all started in the lunchroom. That bitch Snapple came up to us and was like being all superior and whatever and like saying that she was “#3” in the market and we were all like “Whatever! Step off Snapple!” I mean like Glaceau is sooooo much more colorful! I mean, she’s not like all full of sugar and stuff, ya know? And when I’m around her, I just like ~feel better~ about myself or something…

Dear Diary: OMG! You should have seen Glaceau today!! She was like being all super funny and ~everyone~ was paying attention to her but it was totally awesome cuz like she’s still totally ~my~ BFF since like, I met her first and she hangs with me so like now I’m like kinda cool too ya’ know cuz like I met her first so like when people are like “Hey! Did you see Glaceau with 50 Cent yesterday?” I’m like, “Yeah! I was totally hanging with them first! Didn’t you see me?” and they’re like, “Yeah! You are soooo cool because you introduced us to Glaceau!” and I’m like “Whatever!”
PS – I LOVE all of Glaceau’s new colors… She’s like, so fruity ya know? But like good too!

Dear Diary: WTF?!?!? I saw that big shot jerk Coca-cola talking to Glaceau this morning!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! I asked Glaceau what was going on and she was like, “I dunno. I think he asked me to the prom but I was all like, I dunno.”
Grrrrr! I wish Coke would just stay away from her! I mean, I saw Snapple yesterday and OMG she looked just so TIRED and OLD! I can’t believe I ever thought she was cool!

Dear Diary: I COULD TOTALLY SCREAM!!! I think Glaceau is dating Coke!!!!! I asked her about it and suddenly she was like all sugary sweet with me… OMG! I think I’m gonna cry!

Dear Diary: Saw Glaceau in the hall… She totally ignored me. Plus, I hear that she changed her story about being all geeky like a Dungeon Master and now she’s telling everyone that she’s into Kelly Clarkson! WTF! We used to make fun of people like that!!! I HATE Glaceau! She totally sold out and is no longer cool! I mean, sure…. Everyone LOVES her now that she’s with Coke but I MET HER FIRST!

I hate everything! :(

Dear Diary: WOW! Like, I met this totally cool person today named MonaVie Acai Juice. We met at this little health food store and we like totally hit it off!!! She’s like super cool but no one seems to know much about her. I’m having her over for lunch today.
PS – I’m glad I met Acai cuz yesterday my BFF Glaceau was like soooo busy hanging all over Coca-cola that she like TOTALLY ignored me! Gah! Doesn’t she know that Coke is just using her for her Vitamin Water?! Jeez!

That was WAY too much fun! :D

The Corporate Haiku

On Company Politics:

From under the bus…
One seems to often forget,
“It’s just junk mail folks!”

On Marketing:

Lead Generation:
Another headline needed…
To sell the same thing.

On "Buzzwords":

On Yuppies and Dinks:
How can an anagram sound
like a yummy treat?

On Modern Communication:

Emails in all caps.
The slaughter of “your” and “you’re”
Web hath maimed language.

On Programming:

Code is a language
Like rumor is to hive-minds
They’ll never get it.

Hahaha! I could write these all day! =)

Is that a Polished Turd I see before me?

I recently discovered a really cool company called Postreach - Makers of ClickComments, a nifty lil' feature now lovingly attached to my blog. Their premise is simple and genius:

Only 0.1% of readers comment regularly! 5% occasionally comment and 94.9% never comment because they don't want to provide their email address or register.

Clickcomments eliminates these barriers and provides readers a simple and expressive way to respond to your posts...

Clickcomments makes it easy for readers to send you an expressive comment with just one click on an icon. The clickcomment counter gets updated immediately for everyone to see. A reader can give different clickcomments on [one] post...

Needless to say, the only thing ClickComments has really done for me right now is show me that nobody is reading my blog! ... Oh well, that's not their fault.=)

But the one thing that I personally love about ClickComments is their Icon for "Cool Stuff"... Look closely, dear reader, is that a picture of a highly polished turd I see?!

Or is it a picture of the top of a Dairy Queen Soft-serve cone (cool stuff indeed!)
In an effort to uncover the truth, I wrote to the clever folks behind this super fun blog tool and lo and behold... They wrote back!
Thanks to Hans for solving the mystery!!

The 'cool stuff' icon started off as 'hot shit', but a red one could be
interpreted as 'flaming pile of shit'. so we made it 'cool shit' and
tuned it down to be PG-13 with 'cool stuff'.

When we were first covered on a big tech blog many people thought our service was a gag website instead of a real service because of that icon. We wanted to be a bit edgy. However, we never knew that our international adoption would be so big. The 'cool stuff' doesn't translate well as an icon nor linguistically...

Well, Hans, it may not translate too well but as a Professional Turd Polisher - it speaks to me on an oh so personal level. =)

Now... how about that flaming pile of shit button? I'd be sure to get me some comments going if you had that! ;D