Monday, October 29, 2007

In a World...

Sometimes, the hardest part about writing any form or style of copy is the first word...

Case in point: I'm working on my web copy and, ironically enough, I'm at the section about my copy services. I begin to write when it all freezes up and I start repeating my opening thoughts over and over in my head. Essentially, I am trying to convey how important clear, concise, compelling, brief, results oriented copy is (especially because so much importance is placed on graphics over copy.)

But I get stuck by starting my sentence with "In a world..."

Sometime, I will use "In a world..." sentences when I need to put something down in order to let my thoughts flow out. By the time I have 3 or 4 statements down, I usually find my leading line and then I delete the "In a world..." statement.

However, for some reason today, all I could write after my first "In a world..." sentence was an "In a time..." sentence.

This got me laughing because all I could think of after that is the movie trailer for Jerry Seinfeld's "Comedian."

...and that was the end of my concentration.

Enjoy! :D

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

My First Epic Novel

I started down this path at an early age... Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007


Yesterday, Trendio released it's new version of the game and screwed up my life. Gone were all the points I had earned through capitalizing on other's misfortune by "day trading in key words." (((sigh)))

Since I am a HUGE fan of the "slow" game (you know, lil webby thingies that you can check in on as the day unfolds) I went to my favorite site, JayIsGames, to see what his latest suggestions were...

Behold Verbotomy!

Verbotomy is a "Create-a-word" game where users submit "definitions" and everyone makes up a word to go with it. Then people vote on other peoples' submissions and the word with the highest score is posted on the home page the next day.
Again, you don't win anything except personal glory (like Trendio), but it is so much flippin' fun to make up stupid stuff for kicks! :D ((Plus, there are some ~very~ funny entries!))

Here are a few of my "Verboticisms":

Pissinmoanivator - Pronunciation: piss-n-moan-eh-vay-tor
DEFINITION: v. intr., To enjoy whining and bellyaching about your job so much that you would never consider quitting. n., A person who diligently and persistently complains about their work.
Sentence: Terry has been with the company for 13 years now. Nobody's really sure what her job is other than pissinmoanivating everyone about her boss.
Etymology: "Piss and Moan" + "Motivate"
Pronunciation: Eye-doan-give-ay-shit-chat
DEFINITION: n., Forced small talk used by professional caregivers to put patients at ease. (Not usually effective.) v. intr., To ask insipid questions while subjecting a person to an intimate, awkward or painful procedure.
Sentence: The two convention-goers made eyedoangiveashitchat while waiting for the elevator to take them to Karaoke night at the hotel's fireside lounge. Neither were enriched by the experience. (Btw: I consider singing Karaoke at a Hotel lounge to be an intimate, awkward AND painful procedure. ;D)
Pronunciation: powt-TEND
DEFINITION: n., A sulky look characterized by prolonged eye contact, which pets give their owners and/or spouses when they feel neglected. v. tr., To stare at someone with a sad-eyed look in an effort to make them feel guilty.
Sentence: Although Alin did his best to poutend when he tried to get his way, he was far to old to have this ploy work in his favor and everyone wound up just being embarrassed for him... Kinda' like when a person does something so humiliating to himself that you almost wish you could erase it from your memory... Like Roseanne Barr singing the national anthem. Yeah, just like that.
Etymology: Pout + Pretend Can also be used in other forms such as "Poutential" - Having the ability to guilt trip; "Poutendency" - More likely to guilt trip than not; and "Poutentate" - One who has the ability to effectively inflict guilt.
Pronunciation: hid + den + foll + ee + oh + ranch
DEFINITION: v. tr., To carefully place a lid on a bottle, especially a salad dressing bottle, so that it appears closed and will not spill unless the bottle is moved or shaken. n., A person who shakes a bottle prepared in such a manner.
Sentence: Shannon's supposedly clever hiddenfollyoranch ruined my shirt. The outcome pleased her greatly because she had attained her day's goal by noon... Yup. Nothing left for her to do but play computer solitaire.
Etymology: Hidden - to prevent the disclosure of + Folly - A lack of good sense + Ranch - The salad dressing
Hee hee! Yeah, it's the little things in life, ya' know?
Anyway, go check out this site. There don't seem to be very many people who play on a daily basis so join in, vote for your favorite words and add your own. I've also included a hand-dandy verbotomy widget on my site so you can see the daily definition.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Vitamins and Irony

How funny is it that I can write copy for any situation or need for just about any industry, but I'm struggling with my own copy?!?

I've been working on my own lil' freelance business ((Turd Polishing for the masses!)) and I'm having trouble with my web copy. I mean, it's sitting in my brain just fine.
Problem is, I can't make it professional-sounding with out wanting to make it funny. Either that or I want to make it funny and still be taken seriously... or something...or maybe I've just had too much to think.

Turd Wear!

I opened a Spreadshirt shop and uploaded the Turd Polisher logo. You can choose the design and place it on a shirt or buy one of my pre-made shirts. Either way, I make a whopping $5. Woo hoo! ;D



the "official" turd polisher

Vector version for messenger bags, white letter version and more designs coming soon! :D

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


I've been working on a BIG project so I haven't had much time to blog. However, a few days ago, I met yet another Turd Polisher! He's a news cameraman in Louisiana (see? Turd Polishers can be found in any profession!) Anyway, this blog has some great stories in it, so go check it out.

Which brings me to my next thought... Whilst browsing through my new friend's blog, I came across this lovely gem:

...and it made me think of those old 70's Game shows where the losing contestant always won "a year's supply of Turtle Wax." It always struck me as funny how the loser would get all excited when they heard this particular news, like the UPS guy was going to back up a truck to their garage and unload cases of the stuff or something... but if you think about it, a year's supply of Turtle Wax is ONE flippin' can!!!!

I mean, c'mon, how many times are you gonna wax your car in a year?!?!

Best polished turd ever!