Things...

186525455
THINGS I DIDN'T LIKE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER BUT I LIKE NOW:

• Classical and Jazz music
  
• Mushrooms
  
• SLEEPING! I distinctly remember a time when I ~hated~ to go to bed... can't even fathom that now.
  
• Constructive criticism - Not only did I finally learn how to not take it personally, I've learned that true constructive criticism is never personal. So basically, I've learned the difference between a leaders/peers and asshats!
  
• Being alone
  
• Watching the news or reading the paper
  
• Books w/no pictures hee hee! ;)
  
• Foreign films or anything w/subtitles
  

THINGS I LIKED WHEN I WAS YOUNGER BUT I FREAKING LOVE NOW:

• Reading
  
• Quiet contemplation
  
• Newport RI.
  
• Non-conformity.
  
• Really weird toys (ie: Happy Fun Robot!!! I actally own this! lol!)
  
• Camping
  
• Smaller venue concerts
  
• Writing - Which is a good thing considering my profession.
  

THINGS I LIKED WHEN I WAS YOUNGER BUT I DON'T LIKE NOW:

• Talking on the phone (except if it's business related)
  
• Candy (except when I'm PMS'ed) =)
  
• Soap Operas... Bleeech! .
  
• Mosh pits (I went from "Oi! Oi!" to, "Owie! Ow!!")
  
• Hard core punk rock... but I will ~always~ love the old school stuff!!!
  
• Talk shows - Meh... That's about all the energy I can muster on this topic.
  
• The Sunday "Funnies" ... they mostly suck now
  
• Picking up bugs. Never bothered me before... bothers me now
  
• Christmas ... well, the commercial crap. I still like to give gifts and gather w/friends and family
  
• Organized religion (that's not really new though... but there was a time, over 22 years ago, when I bought it all hook, line & sinker)
  
• Great big Concerts - Let's face it. Some people are just waaaaay to fucked up at these things. Ex: The younglings who party too hard beforehand and pass out before the gates even open. I tell ya what buddy, why don't you just give me the $$ you would waste on that Dave Matthews ticket and I'll kiss you upside the head with a bat and tell you what an awesome show you missed... same thing, eh?
  

...That's two.

Who Writes These Things???

I got one of those chain emails from a friend of mine the other day... You know the ones I'm talking about... Not the "Pass this on to 30 people in 30 seconds or you will DIE" email; the, "Diary" type entry email that highlights the suffering of neglected pets or the evils of abortion or the plight of some cause or even this little gem that should never die.

These things have been around since the birth of email and I've always wondered (as a writer) who the hell writes these things?!?!

Well, today, I DO! >;-)

DAY ONE: Today I am am born. Happy Birthday to me! My mommy doesn't even know I'm alive yet because right now I am very, very small. I am only a few dead skin cells and about 5 pieces of dog hair but I am already growing. I'm so happy to be alive! I can't wait to meet my new mommy!

DAY TWO: I have already grown sooooo much! I've added so many dead skin cells, hair and lint to me that I now have a discernible shape.... I am a DUST BUNNY! My Mommy has made me so comfy under this bed. I love her sooooo much!

DAY THREE: I have many brothers and sisters now. We all are sooooo happy here under Mommy's bed that we dance for her every time she opens the door or walks by. She still doesn't know we're alive, but soon we'll be large enough to roll out from under here and lovingly attach ourselves to her shoes, socks, slippers and pant cuffs. Oooo! I can't wait for that day! I know it will be here soon!

DAY FOUR: YAY!!! I think my Mommy is aware that I'm alive! Last night she started coughing and sneezing something fierce! I think my Mommy knows that I am causing her to feel this way. It's my way of saying, "Hello! I love you!" tee hee!!

DAY FIVE: My brothers and sisters and I had such a wonderful time with Mommy last night! She stayed up all night talking to us and telling us stories! My favorite story went like this: "AhCHOO! Hurk! Cough, cough, wheeeeeze! groan.... sunuvabitch!" Isn't it the BEST story ever!

DAY SIX: A gigantic snake that made the most horrible sucking noise invaded my home today.... Today my Mommy killed me.

SAVE THE DUST BUNNIES!!!!! STOP VACUUMING!!!! END THE SPREAD OF DYSON NOW!!!! CALL YOUR CONGRESSMAN!!!

If you believe in this blog post, PLEASE help save the dust bunnies! Link to me, digg it or track back NOW! We MUST stop the senseless slaughter of dust bunnies everywhere! Re-post this on 20 blogs in the next 20 minutes or all your hair will fall out and your feet will smell like cheese!!! Do it! NOW!!!!!!!

Oh boy. I'm going to hell aren't I?

Verbotomy

Yesterday, Trendio released it's new version of the game and screwed up my life. Gone were all the points I had earned through capitalizing on other's misfortune by "day trading in key words." (((sigh)))

Since I am a HUGE fan of the "slow" game (you know, lil webby thingies that you can check in on as the day unfolds) I went to my favorite site, JayIsGames, to see what his latest suggestions were...

Behold Verbotomy!

Verbotomy is a "Create-a-word" game where users submit "definitions" and everyone makes up a word to go with it. Then people vote on other peoples' submissions and the word with the highest score is posted on the home page the next day.
Again, you don't win anything except personal glory (like Trendio), but it is so much flippin' fun to make up stupid stuff for kicks! :D ((Plus, there are some ~very~ funny entries!))

Here are a few of my "Verboticisms":

Pissinmoanivator - Pronunciation: piss-n-moan-eh-vay-tor
DEFINITION: v. intr., To enjoy whining and bellyaching about your job so much that you would never consider quitting. n., A person who diligently and persistently complains about their work.
Sentence: Terry has been with the company for 13 years now. Nobody's really sure what her job is other than pissinmoanivating everyone about her boss.
Etymology: "Piss and Moan" + "Motivate"
Eyedoangiveashitchat
Pronunciation: Eye-doan-give-ay-shit-chat
DEFINITION: n., Forced small talk used by professional caregivers to put patients at ease. (Not usually effective.) v. intr., To ask insipid questions while subjecting a person to an intimate, awkward or painful procedure.
Sentence: The two convention-goers made eyedoangiveashitchat while waiting for the elevator to take them to Karaoke night at the hotel's fireside lounge. Neither were enriched by the experience. (Btw: I consider singing Karaoke at a Hotel lounge to be an intimate, awkward AND painful procedure. ;D)
Poutend
Pronunciation: powt-TEND
DEFINITION: n., A sulky look characterized by prolonged eye contact, which pets give their owners and/or spouses when they feel neglected. v. tr., To stare at someone with a sad-eyed look in an effort to make them feel guilty.
Sentence: Although Alin did his best to poutend when he tried to get his way, he was far to old to have this ploy work in his favor and everyone wound up just being embarrassed for him... Kinda' like when a person does something so humiliating to himself that you almost wish you could erase it from your memory... Like Roseanne Barr singing the national anthem. Yeah, just like that.
Etymology: Pout + Pretend Can also be used in other forms such as "Poutential" - Having the ability to guilt trip; "Poutendency" - More likely to guilt trip than not; and "Poutentate" - One who has the ability to effectively inflict guilt.
Hiddenfollyoranch
Pronunciation: hid + den + foll + ee + oh + ranch
DEFINITION: v. tr., To carefully place a lid on a bottle, especially a salad dressing bottle, so that it appears closed and will not spill unless the bottle is moved or shaken. n., A person who shakes a bottle prepared in such a manner.
Sentence: Shannon's supposedly clever hiddenfollyoranch ruined my shirt. The outcome pleased her greatly because she had attained her day's goal by noon... Yup. Nothing left for her to do but play computer solitaire.
Etymology: Hidden - to prevent the disclosure of + Folly - A lack of good sense + Ranch - The salad dressing

Hee hee! Yeah, it's the little things in life, ya' know?
Anyway, go check out this site. There don't seem to be very many people who play on a daily basis so join in, vote for your favorite words and add your own. I've also included a hand-dandy verbotomy widget on my site so you can see the daily definition.

Turd Wear!

I opened a Spreadshirt shop and uploaded the Turd Polisher logo. You can choose the design and place it on a shirt or buy one of my pre-made shirts. Either way, I make a whopping $5. Woo hoo! ;D

Spreadshirt

the "official" turd polisher

Vector version for messenger bags, white letter version and more designs coming soon! :D

BWAHAHAHA!